heyjayyay

The day I attempted suicide will remain a distinct memory.

I could never rid of the horrific scream that came from my mother. Or the way she fell next to me and was choking on her words. I was too dizzy to gather the ability to comfort her.

In my mind danced everything I love. Everything I’ve ever loved.

I saw people I’d been meaning to contact and places I so dearly wanted to visit.

I won’t ever live a day without reliving the moment I started heaving for breath because the bleach I had swallowed caused my throat to swell. In my mind, I thought

"This isn’t what I want"

I will never allow myself to make decisions when I am sad; mistakes will be made.

"How are you still alive?"

The words of so many doctors when what I had done had been explained.

I’ll use that sentence as a weapon against the part of me that is so self-destructive.

How am I still alive?

Because I am strong enough.

Because I have business to finish.

Because I have a life to live.

Because I am supposed to be.

I understand the seemingly perpetual tunnel of darkness. I’m still trying to find the way out, but I’ve got a few flashlights on me.

You too, are equipt. If no one’s told you that you matter, that you will be missed, that you are loved, I am telling you right now.

Don’t leave this world just yet.
Don’t leave, because you are this magnificent piece of art that every experience sculpts a little more detail into.

Do not leave this world unfinished.

Leave this world a grand, experienced, strong, intelligent, wise, loving masterpiece.

The Day I Attempted Suicide  (via vacators)